People often use long words and pompous writing to obscure the obvious; e.g.
From the Ottawa Citizen
Although a hundred years of natural resources development has served the west well, its privileged position is not guaranteed. Proactive attention to economic diversification and a greater sense of urgency are required if the West wants to sustain its current socio-economic prosperity. It must challenge the institutional inertia and the status quo so that economic transformation is inclusive, enhances the quality of life and creates a new meaningful political relationship with its national government.
How would you rewrite that?
The following examples come from http://www.prosebusters.com/index.html They specialise in rewriting gobblegook. These examples are from their website. You should try to rewrite each of these in compact, simple English. Then we'll look at their solutions
Here are some examples.
| The most critical area of exposure to athletes is without a doubt the immediate playing environment. It is important that a visual inspection of the facility occur, and deficiencies be rectified, prior to the competition. (35 words) |
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| Since the plan reflects the department’s developing vision of the future. It will be amended annually to incorporate those changes in the vision which occur as it matures. (28 words) |
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| We have agreed to concur on the recommendations for the two staffing processes. (13 words) |
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| In the context of a climate of serious financial restraint within the federal government, there are now strong imperatives to manage resources with improved efficiency thereby reducing the longer term costs to the government’s administration. (35 words) |
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| Some combination of these meetings should be attended on an ongoing basis. (12 words) |
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| When the network fails, the end user can no longer sustain task completion. (13 words) |
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| This document is the overarching and enabling pivot that plows the field and accelerates the implementation of all major activities in an attempt to realize the Office’s Vision. (28 words) |
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| The most critical area of exposure to athletes is without a doubt the immediate playing environment. It is important that a visual inspection of the facility occur, and deficiencies be rectified, prior to the competition. (35 words) |
For athletes’ safety, look over the playing field and fix any problems before competition begins. (15 words) |
| Since the plan reflects the department’s developing vision of the future. It will be amended annually to incorporate those changes in the vision which occur as it matures. (28 words) |
The plan will be reviewed every year and changed as needed. (11 words) |
| We have agreed to concur on the recommendations for the two staffing processes. (13 words) |
We accept the recommended candidates. (5 words) |
| In the context of a climate of serious financial restraint within the federal government, there are now strong imperatives to manage resources with improved efficiency thereby reducing the longer term costs to the government’s administration. (35 words) |
The federal government, facing severe financial restraint, must cut costs and manage more efficiently. (14 words) |
| Some combination of these meetings should be attended on an ongoing basis. (12 words) |
Go to these meetings occasionally. (5 words) |
| When the network fails, the end user can no longer sustain task completion. (13 words) |
When the network crashes, you can’t work. (7 words) |
| This document is the overarching and enabling pivot that plows the field and accelerates the implementation of all major activities in an attempt to realize the Office’s Vision. (28 words) | (meaningless tripe that we pulverized out of existence.) (0 words) |
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FInally an example from a thesis. (see overhead)